Hodge Podge...

Just some hodge podge stuff... ;)

J-bug now weighs 9 oz!! She's growing very well and about the size of an avocado. Hmmm... new nickname? I think not. lol "My little peanut" is cute, but I draw the line at vegetables. ;)

I don't know what my weight is and I don't care. lol I'm being sensible, not indulging in lots of sweets or stuff that's bad for me. I did before, don't get me wrong. I went through a MAJOR ice cream phase. MAJOR. And of course the cereal phase, but that was mostly good for you kind of cereal so it's all good. Now I'm just being *normal*. I'm just making sure to get things balanced and make sure my little peanut keeps growing good and strong. :)

STILL looking for a job. Had an interview last week that I felt good about, but still waiting for them to make a decision on it. It would be part-time, but maybe just as well with all the Dr's appts during the day. I could have time in the afternoon for those then work something around that. We'll see. Did a one-day assignment today that basically paid me to sit and update my pregnancy journals, etc. lol Gotta love those. ;)

Ok, here it is... I keep getting these questions. Stats are good, glad to know J-bug is good, but how are YOU? I get it. I know. ;) Truth is, it's an easy question for me to avoid because I don't like the answers I have to give. I know the questions are asked out of love and concern and I do SO appreciate that, it's just hard to answer questions you don't have the answers to- you know? I can't say a standard pat "I'm fine" because I'd have to be living in a fantasy world to believe that answer and if I don't, then it's just a lie. But the truth is- most of the time I am. Really. My days have now become moments and that's a good sign, I think. :) It is hard for a person who analyzes, re-analyzes and OVER-analyzes EVERYthing to just accept that some things don't make ANY sense and that no matter how many times, ways, etc. you run it through your head- you're just NEVER going to make it make sense. It's a hard conclusion to draw and an even harder conclusion to accept. But it is what it is. To try and make it what it is not is just frustrating and leads nowhere. So I understand the questions, but the answer is always the same... no. Nothing. Nada. Zip. And that's a painful acceptance process. At the same time, I have such joy most of the time from this precious little J-bug the Lord has blessed me with that it is hard to be anything but that. :) And I have all of you- you amazing, wonderful, loving, supportive, incredible people that surround my life. :) I love you and appreciate you more than I can begin to tell you. You guys have just ROCKED me with your support through all of this and I am overwhelmed by your amazingness! And I thank God for each and every one of you who contribute so much and something so special and unique to my life. How blessed I truly am. So that one little rain cloud won't darken this sky for too long, I promise you. It's merely in glimpses... and then it passes and the sun is shining once again. So please, no worries... :) And yeah, less of *those* questions would be appreciated. Believe me- if something changes in that way, you will know. Otherwise, it's safe to assume that nothing has changed. Sad, but true.

much love & blessings always...
Melanie